The Little Girl and the Biker - Victory Forums - Victory Motorcycle Forum
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-01-2015, 01:45 PM Thread Starter
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Default The Little Girl and the Biker

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.
The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,
"Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...
"Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Victory ...YOU RIDE IT!!"
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-01-2015, 02:10 PM
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HA! That turned out so much better than it first appeared!
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-02-2015, 12:25 PM Thread Starter
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Default Show them your cross

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside them.

"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" Shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, mother superior turns to sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "piss off ya foo kin' little wankers before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at mother superior quite innocently and asks, "did that sound cross enough?"
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-14-2015, 11:30 PM
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A man walking along a Cornish beach on holiday was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud: "Lord grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said:"Because you have been faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to the Isles of Scilly, so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord said: "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the sea, the concrete and steel it would take.
“I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said: "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times.
“All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing' and how I can make a woman truly happy."

After a few minutes God said: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

=&=&=&=&=&=&=&=&=&=&=&= one more joke ====

An elderly Italian gentleman who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.


When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said "Father, during World War II,
a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis.
So I hid her in my attic.”

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.”

"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week,
and sometimes twice on Sundays.”

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger
but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weaknesses of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry
for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.”

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over...?''
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-15-2015, 07:13 PM
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Good ones !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-15-2015, 10:30 PM
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Default Guts and Balls - What Is The Difference?

Guts and Balls - What Is The Difference?




There is a medical distinction between "Guts" and "Balls."

We've heard colleagues referring to people with "Guts" or with "Balls." Do they, however, know the difference between them?

Here's the official distinction, straight from the British Medical Journal, Volume 323, page 295:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the "Guts" to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the "Balls" to say: "You're next, Chubby!"

I trust this clears up any confusion. Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal.

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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-2015, 07:40 PM Thread Starter
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Good enough to post it here too...

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said...........

(This is priceless...)

"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-18-2015, 12:04 AM
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Default Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said,

'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an
old minivan with two flat tires..
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-18-2015, 07:15 AM
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Next

I met a beautiful girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us and
She immediately dropped to her knees and laid on
The grass at my feet.
As we lay making love, I thought:
"These Tasers are well worth the money"
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-18-2015, 07:19 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kodiakwood2 View Post
Next

I met a beautiful girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us and
She immediately dropped to her knees and laid on
The grass at my feet.
As we lay making love, I thought:
"These Tasers are well worth the money"
Oh, that's bad, funny, but bad...
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