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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-21-2013, 03:32 PM Thread Starter
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SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-21-2013, 03:57 PM
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ROTFLMAO!

Loved the American Corp.

But Im guessing a few New Zealanders might not like that crack...

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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-21-2013, 04:17 PM
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Quote:
You have 2 cows.
There were a host of good ones in there. The Italian one kinda reminded me of a bike trip there. Go into town for gas and station is closed with no one around. Guide relays that Italians are prone to take off for afternoon sex on a whim. They re-open at their leisure. I miss Italy...




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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-21-2013, 04:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by so-crates View Post
ROTFLMAO!

Loved the American Corp.

But Im guessing a few New Zealanders might not like that crack...
Cows don't have much of a crack.




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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-21-2013, 07:46 PM
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nice, funny stuff

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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-21-2013, 08:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by so-crates View Post
ROTFLMAO!

Loved the American Corp.

But Im guessing a few New Zealanders might not like that crack...
New Zealanders can take a joke. New Zealand sheep OTOH have a jealous streak.

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Cross Country Tour.


We can't help it
We just keep moving
It's been that way since long ago
Since the stone age chasing the great herds
We mostly go where we have to go

That was written by James McMurtry
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-25-2013, 10:15 AM
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thats good

Showmanship: That brief shining moment between "Hey yall, watch this" and "Hello 911?!"

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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-25-2013, 11:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pop View Post
New Zealanders can take a joke. New Zealand sheep OTOH have a jealous streak.
Did you hear of the New Zealand who was visited by the animal psychic?

The psychic told the farmer he could communicate with his chickens and up their production for him. The farmer nodded "Oh sure sure, go out and speak to the chickens."

15 minutes later the psychic returns and tells the farmer that the chickens are unhappy with the new pen he built them. They liked the spacier old pen better. They would produce more if you could give them more room. "Well," the farmer thought to himself, the psychic noticed I put up a new pen.

The psychic then asked the farmer if he could query the cows. "Oh go right ahead and speak to the cows."

15 minutes later the psychic returns and tells the farmer that the cows are unhappy with the their new milking schedule. "They said they would go back to their old production rates if they could sleep in an extra hour in the morning."

The farmer is now scratching his head trying to figure out how the psychic knew he changed his milking schedule.

The psychic then asked the farmer if he could query the sheep.

"Hell no," exclaimed the farmer. The sheep are liars, you can't believe a damn thing they say!




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