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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-24-2014, 07:44 PM Thread Starter
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Default CAR KEYS (humor)

CAR KEYS
Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.
I was looking for my keys . They were not in my pockets.
A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.
Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
His theory was right.

The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all,
"Honey," I stammered; ( I always call him "honey" in times like these.) "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.

"Are you kidding' me", he barked, "I dropped you off"!!!

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn't steal your car."





Yep, it's the golden years................

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-24-2014, 09:59 PM
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An oldie but goodie like me.

2010 Midnight Cherry XR. 7Jurock, Lloydz AF, ATS, AFR tuned VFCIII, IAV, and T-6 and locally repacked pipes = big smiles. SOLD to a dear friend, so it's still in the family."
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-25-2014, 07:03 AM
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A couple of adventures in geriatrics

I'm trying to read the fine print on some can of something at Home Depot. I''m squinting pretty hard but nope. My glasses are in one of these pockets. Fish around and in my inside jacket pocket I find my inside reading glasses.

I unfold them and pop them on, decipher the can instructions and then push the glasses up on top of my head.

I hear a clatter behind me and turn and look down. My riding shades are on the floor, knocked off my head when I pushed my reading specs up onto the top of my head which pushed my prescription glasses back into my shades. Apparently my head has a two pair storage limit and trying to fit a third was a nonstarter.

At least at that moment I actually knew where all my glasses were.



The girl at the register in Wendys asks the guy in front of me if he wants to buy a rubber band that will get him a free Frosty once a day. My lovely bride likes her a Frosty so when the girl takes my order I expect that I'll buy the Queen a rubber band too. Girl doesn't offer to sell me one so I ask if I can buy one. She tells me that I don't need a rubber band since seniors already get a free Frosty every day.

At first I was put off by my status. Then I realized that I get free ice cream. When I was a kid all I remember getting was hangovers and arrested.

Youth is overrated.

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We can't help it
We just keep moving
It's been that way since long ago
Since the stone age chasing the great herds
We mostly go where we have to go

That was written by James McMurtry
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-25-2014, 07:29 AM
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That feeling you get when you reach into your pocket for the Keys, the wallet and now-days the cell phone and its not there is a very bad feeling.

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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-25-2014, 09:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GCM View Post
That feeling you get when you reach into your pocket for the Keys, the wallet and now-days the cell phone and its not there is a very bad feeling.
Your not kidding ... Panic strikes me when I cant find any one of the three crucial items ....

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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-25-2014, 02:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pop View Post
At first I was put off by my status. Then I realized that I get free ice cream. When I was a kid all I remember getting was hangovers and arrested.

Youth is overrated.
New goal: survive cancer to live long enough to receive free ice cream.

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That feeling you get when you reach into your pocket for the Keys, the wallet and now-days the cell phone and its not there is a very bad feeling.
I frequently forget my phone at home. It usually produces a shrug. I never keep money in my wallet, but I chain it to my pants ever since I lost one with the better part of a paycheck in it when I was 18. I also lose my car keys or house keys about every 6 months, which is fine as long as I don't lose the key for Lacy's Mariner, since it costs $60 to replace.

However, I've thought I've lost my bike key a time or two on rides, and that causes stone cold full bugs#!t panic.

...it's usually still in the ignition. Why I've only had one bike stolen is a mystery.

You can call me Billy. Or Luci. But don't call me Shirley.

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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-25-2014, 02:27 PM
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New goal: survive cancer to live long enough to receive free ice cream.
Luci, you got the idea! Give yourself goals to look forward to. As long as no one has told you to pack your bags for the Pearly Gates, there's light at the end of this tunnel. That's what keeps me going during treatments. One time I was getting chest and neck radiation and I couldn't eat--well, I didn't want to eat cuz it hurt. But I got my culinary kicks vicariously by watching food programs on TV. Keep doing those things that put a smile on your face. Its great medicine my friend.

2010 Midnight Cherry XR. 7Jurock, Lloydz AF, ATS, AFR tuned VFCIII, IAV, and T-6 and locally repacked pipes = big smiles. SOLD to a dear friend, so it's still in the family."
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-25-2014, 02:42 PM
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Luci, you got the idea! Give yourself goals to look forward to. As long as no one has told you to pack your bags for the Pearly Gates, there's light at the end of this tunnel. That's what keeps me going during treatments. One time I was getting chest and neck radiation and I couldn't eat--well, I didn't want to eat cuz it hurt. But I got my culinary kicks vicariously by watching food programs on TV. Keep doing those things that put a smile on your face. Its great medicine my friend.
I had a bit of chemo called methatrexate this last time around that blistered my throat and made it swell almost closed. Could breathe fine, but eating was a struggle. Hospital food sucks as it is, add to it the fact I couldn't taste it and I had to fight to swallow it, and I lived on Ensure for about a week. I would watch the food network and other cooking shows too, but it just pissed me off because I couldn't have any of it.

You never know how much you miss Taco Bell until you can't eat it

You can call me Billy. Or Luci. But don't call me Shirley.

Mine:
2011 Cross Roads, crimson red
Lloyd'z ATS, IAV, VFC-III. Vic "High Performance" air filter. Ness Big Honkers. Funsies.

Hers
2015 Vegas 8-Ball

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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-25-2014, 03:41 PM
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You never know how much you miss Taco Bell until you can't eat it
You got that right my friend. I am no fan of fast food restaurants(?), but I do like Taco Bell's tacos better than any other I have tried here in Portland. I had to word it that way cuz I'd be getting a barrage from all over the country telling of their faves. Hey guys, don't bother...I ain't gonna make a special trip to try Bozo's Big Bad Burritos and Tacos. Sorry.
If you want to commiserate with me directly, use my email contained in the links in my sig. I'll be glad to give you immoral support.

2010 Midnight Cherry XR. 7Jurock, Lloydz AF, ATS, AFR tuned VFCIII, IAV, and T-6 and locally repacked pipes = big smiles. SOLD to a dear friend, so it's still in the family."
2017 Spyder F3 Limited - keeps this old guy in the wind and riding with friends.
Cure that ugly stand up license plate with the cheapest and best laydown bracket. Click this:
https://www.victoryforums.com/11-ven...t-x-bikes.html
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