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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-06-2018, 06:28 PM Thread Starter
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Dear Carolyn: I'm terrified about my boyfriend's hobby: riding motorcycles. We've been together two years and in that time he has crashed twice, the last time totaling his bike. Thankfully, both times he only had minor injuries.

However, he is now looking to buy ANOTHER bike, and every time I imagine him on a motorcycle I just see myself at his funeral. I want to be supportive because I know he loves it, but it causes me so much anxiety.

What can I do? I've talked to him about it, but he gets upset because he feels like I'm not supportive. He doesn't seem to see the risks. He thinks he's immortal. I don't know what to do.

— K.

K: Embrace mortality. That’s what you do.

Given your boyfriend’s hobby and history, I suggest soon.

I am not being facetious. At all. In fact, if I thought it would help, I’d close every answer with this: “And oh by the way, if you’re not comfortable yet with the idea of death, then I suggest you work on it.”

There is no permanence. If collecting kitten posters were your boyfriend’s hobby, then the odds would tilt more toward his achieving old age, and — this is the real thing, I believe — you’d be better able to trick yourself into a sense of certainty. Sun will rise, summer will come, boyfriend will return from a run to buy milk.

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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-07-2018, 02:58 AM
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I'm lucky. My wife doesn't ride and I'm glad because motorcycles are dangerous.

I'm my line of work and having been in some really serious situations my motorcycles are the least of her worries. Friends will often ask her if she is worried about me being on a motorcycle.....since I ride them wherever I can. Her response is "if I worried about everything dangerous he does, I'd do nothing else."


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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-07-2018, 06:37 AM
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My wife worries, but only when she isn't on the back. In her mind (I'm speculating here) if there's an accident, at least we would be together when it happened. My 7 mile trip to work is infinitely more dangerous than her and I riding 300 miles through unknown areas, terrible storms, etc. Go figure.
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-07-2018, 08:29 AM
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Maybe she needs to get a new boyfriend, maybe one who sits on the couch all day?
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-07-2018, 10:05 AM
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My wife doesn't worry. I make a point of not telling her about all the a$$hole drivers that I encounter on every trip. Worst sober drivers in the world.

Not all those who wander are lost.

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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-07-2018, 10:54 AM
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Two accidents in two years, one in which he totaled the bike? Maybe he is not a good rider. She could be supportive in helping him be a better rider, through an MSF rider course and Ride-Like-a-Pro skills, get him the book Stayin’ Safe by Lawrence Grodsky (motorcycle safety expert who died in a motorcycle-vs-deer wreck). Maybe he will understand that she wants him to enjoy riding, but do it WELL. If he is lacking in good sense, certainly they would both benefit if she encourages him to be a smart and wise rider.

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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-07-2018, 11:22 AM
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If my wife worries, she doesn't let on to it. She knows what motorcycles and riding them means to me and is very supportive. Our relationship began with motorcycling, it was nurtured with long tours - she has @ 200K miles on her as a passenger - and it doesn't even bother her that I encourage my grandkids and great grandkids because she knows I take riding and driving VERY seriously. Driving is two hands on the wheel at 9 and 3 and riding is ATGATT; to give two examples.
One time, a friend, a riding buddy, asked her; if Ric said he's taking off on his bike for a couple weeks, what would you say? Without taking a breath, my wife replied; "I'll make him sandwiches."

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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-07-2018, 04:06 PM
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I would be curious as to what kind of bike he is riding.

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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-07-2018, 05:18 PM
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There are all variety of dangerous things in the world. If we spend our time worrying about what could happen, we'll never get to experience what IS happening.
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-07-2018, 09:46 PM
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My first thing I thought of was maybe she should get him a present of a riding course. Thats not saying if you go to a course your not going to get in an accident, but 2 in the same span? Thats some bad luck if thats whats in play.
My mother always worried about my brother when he bought a Honda 750 back when they came out. She was sure he was going to get killed on it. 2 years later he died in a wreck, in his 69 LTD. So go figure.

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