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Discussion Starter #1
A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.
The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,
"Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...
"Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Victory ...YOU RIDE IT!!"
 

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HA! That turned out so much better than it first appeared!
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Show them your cross

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside them.

"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" Shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, mother superior turns to sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "piss off ya foo kin' little wankers before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at mother superior quite innocently and asks, "did that sound cross enough?"
 

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A man walking along a Cornish beach on holiday was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud: "Lord grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said:"Because you have been faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to the Isles of Scilly, so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord said: "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the sea, the concrete and steel it would take.
“I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said: "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times.
“All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing' and how I can make a woman truly happy."

After a few minutes God said: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

=&=&=&=&=&=&=&=&=&=&=&= one more joke ====

An elderly Italian gentleman who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.


When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said "Father, during World War II,
a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis.
So I hid her in my attic.”

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.”

"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week,
and sometimes twice on Sundays.”

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger
but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weaknesses of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry
for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.”

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over...?''
 

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Guts and Balls - What Is The Difference?

Guts and Balls - What Is The Difference?




There is a medical distinction between "Guts" and "Balls."

We've heard colleagues referring to people with "Guts" or with "Balls." Do they, however, know the difference between them?

Here's the official distinction, straight from the British Medical Journal, Volume 323, page 295:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the "Guts" to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the "Balls" to say: "You're next, Chubby!"

I trust this clears up any confusion. Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Good enough to post it here too...

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said...........

(This is priceless...)

"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
 

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Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said,

'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an
old minivan with two flat tires..
 

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Next

I met a beautiful girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us and
She immediately dropped to her knees and laid on
The grass at my feet.
As we lay making love, I thought:
"These Tasers are well worth the money"
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Next

I met a beautiful girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us and
She immediately dropped to her knees and laid on
The grass at my feet.
As we lay making love, I thought:
"These Tasers are well worth the money"
Oh, that's bad, funny, but bad... :D
 

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Hillary $ 600 haircut
 

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IKEA Job Interview

IKEA Job Interview
 

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Burgers

Was out for a ride with my son yesterday.
We stopped at a small "hole-in-the-wall" cafe for a bite to eat.

They had quite the array of burgers....

- bacon cheese burger
- chicken burger
- salmon burger
- ostrich burger
- kangaroo burger
- Mexican burger

I said to my son...
"I wonder which part of the Mexican they use"

Bwahaha
 

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Pay Toilets

How many of you remember?

Back in those days it was common to see these in various public places such as bus depots, train stations, etc. It was also common to see the walls covered with jokes and other forms of humor or drawings of various kinds. Some were quite "graphic" to say the least! To a degree it was almost worth the dime to get to read all of that "stuff". It always intrigued me to find some of the same "jokes" in different bathrooms in different parts of the country ... as if the same "author" had been there too!

One of my all-time fav jokes on those walls is ...

Here I sit, broken hearted,
Paid my dime and only farted...

You don't see pay toilets any more, at least not in my part of the country but go to a gas station to put air in your tire and it will cost you a dollar!! Too Funny that is! 50 years ago I had to pay a dime to pass air and now I got to pay a dollar to get air!! Irony??
 

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The Lecture

Ron Chestna, 89 years of age, was stopped by police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."
 
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